You are the reason why I smile

Me.....Tried to clear my path for him and her

I'm tired hiding.I felt weary for being silent all the time. I just want to express what is hidden inside my heart. I'm not a girl for being fun. I'm not a stone, I do have a heart n feelings. I just don't know where I should start it.

He came into my life when I' have never thought what love is. From him, I learnt how to love and felt to be loved.

"Do you love him?" asked Mia.

With no doubt, I nodded, "Since the first time I met him."

"I just felt so foolish cause I have never realized that he loves another girl too!"

MIa said, " A guy is a human too, he can be confused too. Why don't you give him a chance to think and to choose?"

"He already decided to be with her, I gotta face the fact. I can't do anything anymore. Maybe I should let my story to be my past......"

Are you really ready to let it go?

"Adel???" Mia tapped me.

I turned my face, "Hhhmmm, just.....why can't he let me go when he already be with her?"

"Well, sometimes we should help a guy to decide something for him."

"I just can't be like this!"

I felt my heart hurt so badly. He's not meant to be with you, God will let you meet with someone who fits you someday,.....I tried to console myself.

Him.....And I thought the angel is you

God please show me the way.....

I know that soon or later I should decide who I wanna be with .....Adel or her?

I texted Adel this morning, asked to meet her and thank God, she agreed.

One thing that made me fell in love with Adel.....She's tough, She knows what she wants.

"You must be very disappointed with me."

"Yeah, when the first time I heard about you and her. But it's the risk of relationship, right?"

"Is it hard for you, Del?" What a stupid question.

"Maybe this is the best thing for all of us........"

"I'm so sorry, Del......"

"It's no need to apologize. I'll be alright. Really. Maybe we only fit to be brother and sister." She smiled.

But I still feel that love for her........

"You didn't choose the wrong girl. You got my blessed. You should be happy with her....."

Oh gosh!!!Why should I hurt a girl as angel as her. Suddenly I pulled her hand and embraced her. For a moment we stared at each other.

"You gotta promise me, you'll only love me as your sister?"

"I promise you......"

Can I? There's a doubt in my heart......

I can be tough

I can be strong

But with you, It's not like that at all

And I remember all those crazy thing you said

You left them running through my head

You're always there, you're everywhere

But right now I wish you were here

All those crazy things we did

Didn't think about it just went with it

You're always there, you're everywhere

But right now I wish you were here

(Avril Lavigne)

If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one. Because if you truly loved the first one, you wouldn’t love another one ~ The Notebook on Twitter

I'm drowning without your love

One episode in my life.......

It was like hearing the sound of thunder when my mom told me that Sarah just passed away.

I lost my balance. I sat on the floor. Speechless. I cried in silence.

"Aunt Anne, can I see Sarah closer?"

She opened the cloth covering Sarah' s face. I saw her face smiling like she was just sleeping.

Someone tapped my shoulder. I turned and Sarah' s sister gave me a book. A diary.

"I have no rights to read this," I said quietly.

"You are the one that she mentioned on her diary, so it's yours."

In my room, I opened Sarah' s diary and suddenly an envelope fell from it. It's a letter.

My dearest..........

The wind is blowing

I close my eyes

Imagining one day we will be in love

I never stop thinking of you

So many wishes in my heart

Wanna hold you in my arms

Wanna see love blossoming in our heart

Wanna hear two hearts beating together

You have my promise

I choose to wait in eternity

My heart is never changing

I will never let you go

Even if I won't have a change to say "I love you"

Even though it's painful

I won't leave

I'll face it with smile

I've never thought that's what Sarah felt bout me. She gave wholehearted love for me. And I was too cowardly to admit that I care bout her, I love her.

Love is always beautiful and I am not gonna lie to myself anymore cause Sarah was the most beautiful story in my life. Even though I have to move on, she's gonna be there, always in my heart.

"Sometimes people only realize what they had after they lose it, so hold onto what you have and never let it go." ~ quotes from the notebook on twitter.

I thought this love would never end

Days changed

But my heart remains still

Always drawn to you

I've never got bored waiting

Waiting to be loved

But I'm just the wind that blew over you

Always invisible to you

Sometimes weary I told me to give up

Stop doing something in vain

But I could not do it

Cause all about you kept on stalking me

Like a shadow under my feet

How could I burn up all of my longings

They had been settled here in my heart

I kept waiting for an answer

But you kept being silent

You made me waiting longer

Like an endless road

Without any lights

I lost in a place of nowhere

Cause you never found me

I will never let you part, for you are always in my heart

"Can you come closer, hun? I wanna tell you something ....., " She said wheezing.

I embraced her, so she can talk close to my ear. I can smell the scent of drugs fr her breath.

"I love you....." She kissed me with her dry lips. She traced my face. I can see tears on her eyelids.

"Why are you crying, my love?"

"I'm just happy cause you are still here with me....."

I held her hand. " You should rest now, hun..... but promise me one thing, wake up for me tomorrow."

Hardly breathing, she smiled n closed her eyes.

I woke up this morning, still holding her hand. But her hand was colder, more colder than yesterday. I used to hold her hands and I could feel happiness fill my heart. Now, its just so painful.

Like A Castle built Upon A Sandy Beach

Gone Too Soon

Like A Perfect Flower that Is Just Beyond Your Reach

Gone Too Soon

Born To Amuse, To Inspire, To Delight

Here One Day, gone One Night (MJ)

She's gone.....

All my enthusiasm and happiness went along with her . How am I gonna cope with it? I cant see her face n smile again. I cant hear her voice again. Another chapter of my life is gone with so much pain.

I closed my eyes. I felt mentally tired.....

In my dream, I hear her whispering in my ear, "I love you. I will always love you. Please don't cry for me hun. One thing that you have to do is have a better life and be happy even without me. You will live with all the prayers that I'm gonna send through all the little angels. I'd love to see you smile again on your birthday. I'd love to see you get married someday in the church. I'd love to hear the laughter of your children. I'd love to see your hair turn white. I wont miss anything in your life, all your laughter, all your tears cause I will always there deep down in your heart. Be happy for me, my love......"

In your darkest hour

In your deepest despair

I will still care, I will be there

In your trials and your tribulations

Through your doubts and frustrations

In your violence

In your turbulence

Through your fear and your confessions

In your anguish and your pain

Through your joy and your sorrow

In the promise of another tomorrow

I'll never let you part

For you're always in my heart. (MJ)

I awoke from my beautiful dream. She was right indeed. I may shed a tear today for the love that I can not have. But have faith, for tomorrow another love will wait for me just around the bend. But wherever the road may lead me, I know it is a journey that worth to travel.

Smile, though your heart is aching

Smile, even though it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky

You'll get by...

If you smile

Through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile...(MJ)