"If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I'd be at the bottom to catch them"

Even though our friendship is just in virtual world, we should be able to keep our image. Virtual world is not only can expand your access but also can narrow your movement space. We can meet anyone and we can be anyone so be aware is necessary and knowing the character of your friends here is a must.....

COZY

If you wanna be in cozy category, you should be a great friend, honest and comfortable to talk with. Good looking is an extra bonus point for you hahaha..... You have extensive knowledge and a good environment so u can talk about anything. You have a great education or work. You are not narrow-minded and not easily make others feel annoyed.

FUN

If your cozy friends are not online then friends in fun category can be friends to kill your boredom. You don't have to be good looking but you should be comfortable to talk with.

SILLY

You really can make your friends wanna kick your ass hahaha.....But if all your cozy n fun friends are offline, even though is so irritating, they can be your last bumper.

Do you guys agree with that??? Well, I took it from "Cyber love adventure" book, they wrote it based on the experiences of cyber addicts. If i asked you guys who I've been tagged in this note to determine what kind of friend I am in your eyes ..... please choose one of this :

1. Cozy

2. Cozy to silly

3. Fun

4. Fun to silly

5. Silly

After all ..... I am happy to meet u all even its only in virtual world, no matter what..... friendship always can enrich our life because in friendship we will share laughter and tears together.

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.

Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.

Walk beside me and be my friend."

- Albert Camus

Another moon, another sun, I want you even in my dreams

I don't really know who I am in your eyes

What's my place in your heart

You've never said it clearly

You just let our affection dangle in the mist

Love drowned us in the sea of confusion

Sometimes its so close and sometimes it feels so far away

It let us chase each other

And still you didn't say any words at the end of the journey

So I took a step forward

even though tears streaming down my cheeks

I keep walking n not turning back

Hoping that someday you will find me

It's not just a wish

Because I still believe

That you have the same wish too

I do understand you more than anyone else

I swear a thousand times

I will keep waiting for you

Because all of miraculous memories of you

Keep popping into my mind

In my dreams I have been searching for you for so long

Hoping someday it will come true

I truly believe that in your silent you do love me

You will find me and hold my hand

"Oh pretty baby, I can't take my eyes off of you"

Everyone knows me as a friendly one who ready to help anyone. But in fact, I do that so everyone will like me and want to be my friend. No one knows that I don't like acting so nice and sweet to please everyone. And I have a diary where I can express anything without thinking what other people is gonna say about me. Maybe the only one who really knows me is Mamoru. But he left me, he's gone from my life. I am not expecting to see him again.

Who knows that I saw him again. Suddenly my eyes fell to his fingers looking for a ring there. Phewww.....I feel relieved, there's no ring on his finger. Gosh!!! what's in my mind??? Maybe I should go to neurologist to see if there's something wrong with the function of my brain. A guy like Mamoru is out of my league. A type of guy who graces my dreams but not in my real world.

I am not pretty and I don't have supermodel body. I have never cared what other people said about my appearance, but seeing him again make me think about it. Does he still think that I am such a boring and not attractive girl at all? And I didn't realize, tears rolled down my cheeks. TANYA!!!! Focus!!!! I was so mad at myself.

He is Mamoru!!!! A guy that I am supposed to hate so much.....I tried to remember all the bad things that he's ever done to me.....But in my head full of the sweetest things that we had lately. I can't be mad at him no matter how bad he treated me. Awkward!!!! "oh.....gosh!!!! I am still in love with him," I screamed.

Forget him!!!! I gotta find a way to let him out of my memory because I have tried so many times to make him stay here with me and I lost. I am not a princess in fairytale, my life will not end up happily ever after with a prince charming. Now, I should stop dreaming anymore. I sighed.....frustrated. STUUUUUPPPIIIIDDDD!!!!!

"I know I hurt you, that's the last thing I meant to do, sometimes I can be careless and blind, can you forgive the fool that I've been?" I stunned when he said that.

"Tanya???"

"Hah???".....He gripped my hand.

"Don't touch me!!!! Let me go!!!!" I screamed.

"Tanya, stop it!" He hugged my waist. I tried to kicked him.

"Aaahhh!!! He was moaning in pain.

"You know what's funny.....I thought by hurting you I can get rid you of my mind but your little fingers can wrap so tight and I finally realized that I don't even mind at all."

"Why?"

"Because I love you ..... wanna you"

"How can you say that if you are still with another girls?!?!"

"I am sorry. I know I am dumb and childish. It won't happen again. I promise!" his voice was sealed in certainty.

I can't explain what i feel right now. I just can't believe it, I can be this happy!!!!

"I love you, Tanya," said Mamoru

"Love you too."

"I know," He showed me his naughty smile.

"Arrrgghhh!" His face is getting closer and I can feel my cheeks already blushed.

You changed my world

I know that I'll be ok now, this time it's real

I lay my love on you, it's all I wanna do

Everytime I breathe, I feel brand new

You open up my heart, show me all your love and walk right through

As I lay my love on you

(Westlife)

Hhhmmm I will let my love live in fantasy because I know ..... It will never hurt me

If you remember when love was an ember about to billow

This is my dream, because only in my dream, i can embrace you. I will always remember that. Paradise is wonderful but being with you is more beautiful.

"Tara......wake up!!!"

I was startled to hear mom's voice. And once again i woke up from my miraculous dream.

At the airport.....

He held my hand and put a bracelet.

"I gave you a necklace once at your birthday, now I gave you this bracelet," He traced my ring finger.....

"someday, here, I wanna put a ring," His voice has the seal of a promise in it.

One hour!!! I felt like it has been a year. I was still sitting there. And he flew away to America to pursue his dreams.

Three years later.....

"Mark!!!" I screamed.

"Tara???" He surprised to see me here.

"Gosh! It's been three years, I haven't heard anything from you. I tried to call your cell, sent email to you, but you never replied me, not even once. I lost you."

"Huh??? Really?"

"I'm so sorry. I was busy with my study then my works too, so I don't have time to contact you. Sorry okay???"

I was so upset, "I wanna go home. It seems I don't know you anymore. You used to be my best friend. Now you are super busy person."

I wish he knew how I felt when he was away. How I missed him so much.

Mark.....

I cant imagine one day without making you happy, without spoiling you. But I know you only care about as your brother, not more than that. It made me suffer a thousand times. Then, I thought the only way for me to survive was to send you away from my life. I kept busy with my study and my works so I could stop thinking about you. Three years!!!! The more I tried to forget you, the more I felt loving you.

After meeting him......

I kept thinking about him. I couldn't sleep at all. And suddenly my cell was ringing. I saw Mark' name on my cell screen.

"Mark???" I called him in low voice.

"Can you talk to me?" His voice cracked.

"About what?"

"Anything! I can't sleep at all. I really wanna hear your voice."

How can we feel the same thing. Gosh! I missed his voice too, "I'll tell you something but you gotta close your eyes"

"Yup."

"Long time ago, I met a man. An awesome man, I've never thought that he could be my best friend eventually. He changed my life. Everyday I praise the Lord because He let me know him. When I was a little girl, He gave me happiness because of his beauty. When he's getting older, I can lean on him, he always be here for me, he did the best things for me and he knew how to make me smile again."

"Mark???" He didn't say anything. I though he's asleep. But I still wanna continue my story.

"Did he change now? Does he know that I have changed now? That I don't love him as my brother again. Am i too late? Does he still wanna do the best things for me? I love him." My tears shed.

Ten minutes later, I got a message on my cell. From Mark.

"He has never changed at all. He's still faithful. He still wanna do the best things for her."

I smiled. Tonight I know that I don't have to cry anymore.

I know God always gives us the best things in our life. Everything that happened in our life, there's God's hand works on it. We just need to believe and wait.

I miss your love

I miss the way you laugh

I miss the sound of your voice

I miss the way you talk

I miss your eyes

I miss the way you look at me

I've never thought I could feel this way

I do swear, I miss you........

(Alexa Key - Aku kangen aku rindu)

"Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it."

Now........

Here I'm. I looked around the hall. What amazing and pretty hall indeed. Over there, on the stage, I can see them. Beautiful bride and groom. I walked to the stage, smiled on my face.

"Congratulation!!" I said, but my voice cracked. I Looked straight in to his eyes, trying to tell him that I'm alright. I kissed my sister, felt happy for her. She finally can be together with the one that she loves so much.

I'm on the floor, counting one minute more

No one to break the silence

Staring in to the night

All alone, but that's alright

It's the feeling, deep inside, I don't like

This is where our journey ends

You're breaking my heart again.....

( Breaking my heart - MLTR )

Two days ago......

"You should come home, come to my wedding," His first message on my cell this morning.

"Give me a strength to get through this," His another message.

I looked out the window. It was raining out there. I opened the window. I felt the pouring rain on my hands. It has been two years, I haven't gone back home. Gosh, it was just like yesterday......

It's so very cold outside, like the way I'm feeling inside

I'm a big big girl, in a big big world

It's not a big big thing if you leave me

But I do do feel, that I do do will

Miss you much

I have your arms around me, warm like fire

But when i open my eyes, You're gone.....

( Big big world - Emilia )

Two years ago......

I went to my dad's office. During my school holiday, daddy let me help him in marketing. I was so happy because i can learn something new here.

"Keanu, here is Tiara, my youngest daughter. She wanna learn about marketing here for her school assignment," Daddy introduced me with his marketing manager.

First impression, He's cute like my teddy bear at home, hahaha

He's such a charming teacher. He taught me much about marketing. I love the way he treated me, like an angel standing next to me. I hardly believed it, you opened up my heart.

Everyone can see, there's a change in me

They all say I'm not the same kid I used to be

Don't go out and play, I just dream all day

They don't know what's wrong with me

And I'm to shy to say

It's my first love

What I'm dreaming of when i go to bed

When I lay my head upon my pillow

Don't know what to do.....

( First love - Nikka Costa )

Day after day, time passed away and I just can't get you off my mind. Till one day, i found a piece of paper between my marketing books. It said, "At the moment, she took my heart away. I let it go with her, but I keep waiting. Until she finds this and answer all my dreams someday ( To my one, T)"

" Oh My Goodness!!!"...........

"Am I answering your dream, Tiara?" Suddenly he was standing in front of me

""Huh? What?" I was so nervous

"Will you be my one?"

And I was freezing then melting like ice cream.........

_____________________________

Dinner in my house with Keanu and my family. Daddy said he wanted my sister to get married with Keanu, another freezing moment in my life. Nobody knows about me and Keanu. When people said there's no border in love, but actually there is. Our large different in age, made us keep our relationship in silence, waiting the right time to make other people can accept us. Daddy's words sounded like an undeniable statement.

I just knew that Keanu is a smart n talented employee in my dad's company. He started his career from low level there, but my dad paid for his school till he can finish his master degree abroad.

"Tiara, I.........." I put my finger on his lips.....

"Sssshhh!! I know what are you gonna say." I embraced him tight.

"I love you," He whispered

I Moved to another and continue my study there, because I know by staying away from him, I can give him and my sister a chance to be close to each other. That's the last thing that i can do for him and my sister, because they are the ones that I love. If my leaving can give happiness to them then I'll do it.

Tomorrow morning I have to leave

But wherever I may be

Best believe I'm thinking of you

I can't believe how much I love you

All we have is here tonight

We don't want to waste this time

Give me something to remember

Baby put your lips on mine

Just close your eyes and you'll be here with me

Just look to your heart and that's where I'll be.....

( Close your eyes - Westlife )

Now........

Late at night. The wedding was over an hour ago. Here I am, sitting near the pool, staring at stars in the sky. I can't sleep at all.

"Tiara???" I remember his voice.

"Hhhmmm, why are you here? Where's my sister?"

"She fell asleep, too tired, I guess.......How's your life?"

"I'm okay. I think, I should go inside......" He held my hand, still as warm as two years ago.

"I.......Never mind........Goodnight Tiara........" He sighed. I smiled at him.

Early in the morning i went to the airport, I sent a message on his cell.

I am very happy now and I want you to keep your promise to be the happiest man in the world

In his room Keanu read the message......."The happiest man ???......I'm still trying Tiara......" He grinned.

I gave my best to you

Nothing for me to do but have one last cry

One last cry before I leave it all behind

I gotta put you out of my mind

This time stop living lie

I guess I'm down to my last cry

I know I gotta be strong

Cause round me life goes on and on

I gotta dry my eyes right after I have my one last cry

( One last cry - Brian Mcknight)

Saying goodbye isn't the hard part, it's what we leave behind that's tough. They make you realize what you've had, what you've lost, and what you've taken for granted.

"Every time I manage to let you go, you somehow manage to sneak right back into my heart."

One day In my sister's room

"You are beautiful," I was stunning, looking at my sister's shadow in the mirror.

She smiled at me. Suddenly she said, "I have feelings for Mathew. Do u think he's interested in me?"

I felt as if someone had choked me till i couldn't breath. I wanted to scream that i like Mathew too.

One day at my school

There, i saw him standing with smile on his face. I felt my heart beat faster. What a strange feeling. So confusing but make me happy at the same time.

"Hhmm i have 2 tickets for a movie tonight if you wanna go with me" He said

I felt my cheeks blushed. I was happy but didn't know what to say to him.

"Saskia???" He said again

"Hhmm, what? oh okay."

At Cinema

His hand clasped mine. Gentle but tight.

"Mathew," i whispered near his ear

He turned, looked at me right into my eyes. His face was so close, I could feel his breath. I turned my face to the other side, blushed. I kept wondering why he clasped my hand. I got a feeling, he is just into me, not my sister. I don't know what to do. My heart is split into two choices, standing for my sister or having him only for me.

Is it love?

Since the first time i met her, there is a desire that made me realize of mistakes that I had done in the past. By guarding her, I want to atone for that mistakes. By loving her, I want to give something that i've never given to anyone before. True love.

But, is he really in love with Saskia? Isn't it just a feeling of like without love? And does he deserve to have a relationship with a much younger girl, who may not know the meaning of true love.

With a giddy feeling, I heaved a sigh.

One day in the cafe

" There's something that i wanna tell you, Saskia, " He said it slowly.

He clasped my hand, so gentle n loving. Its hard for me to resist him. In the same time, i drowned in confusing.

Gabriela.....Mathew.....Gabriela.....Mathew.....Me

"How long have we been friends?" Asked Mathew

"2 years i guess......."

"I love you, Saskia......" Finally Mathew said the magic words

"I thought you consider me as your little sister."

"At first yeah, but after knowing you better, that's not what i feel. I love you more than just a little sister, more than just a friend, more than just a best friend."

I was speechless. Happy. Confused. Happy. Sad. Joy. Hurt.....

"Saskia, give me a chance."

But Gabriela is my own sister.

I bit my lip and said, "But we are different, I'm too young for you though"

"Who said you are an adult?" He smiled

"I'm serious, Matt!"

"Who said I'm not....."

"Matt, I cant......"

"Why?" He looked straight into my eyes.

"I'll prove to you, even though our world is different, it wont be a barrier" His voice has the seal of a promise in it.

In my best friend's house

"I love him."

"So, why are you so confused about. He loves you too, right?"

"Saskia, listen to me.....Mathew decided to choose you, not your sister. I think, you should tell your sister about this. Maybe your sister will get hurt, but i'm sure she will forgive you someday."

For Mathew

It's already late at night. Mathew came to my house.

"Mathew?"

"Are you going to sleep?".....I nodded

"I just missed you. I love you, Saskia. Love you too much."

"I love you too....." I said in low, intense voice. It's so relieved when finally I can express what i feel.

"You do?"

I nodded n nodded. He held me closer, embraced me with all the longing.

His fingers lightly traced the shape of my lips and he kissed me.

" You're in my arms and all the world is calm

the music playing on for only two so close together

and when I'm with you so close to feeling alive........

and now forever i know

all that i wanted was to hold you so close

so close to reaching that famous happy end

almost believing this was not pretend

now you're beside me and look how far we've come

so far we are so close..................................."

(So Close by Jon McLaughlin)

One of our dates

"If you are upset like that, you are truly like a little girl" He smiled playfully.

"But i love having a relationship with you. Sometimes you look like a little girl and the other time you can suddenly act like a mature one. You never make me bored."

He pulled my hand, " Sit here, on my lap."

"Weeww nahh, you'll say I'm a little girl again!"

"You will always be my little princess ever and little princess deserves to be lapped," He smiled with naughty eyes.

The greatest thing about love

"Both of you are so different, how can both of you fall in love?" people asked it so many times.

Mathew smiled, " That's the greatest thing bout love. It makes you blind, the other time you can use your logic too. Sometimes can make you more understanding and sometimes you wanna possess your beloved one"

A bell is no bell 'til you ring it, A song is no song 'til you sing it, Love isn’t love 'til you give it away.

If I have to go

I wanna go closer to you

If I could ask you to come

I want you to come to me

If you have to leave

I don't know how to make you stay

I have no courage at all

Just like a fool

I feel left behind

I only dare to stare at you from afar

I don't even have a chance to say I love you

Will your heart let u know that I'm always here for you

Or I' m just a blurry shadow to you

Goodbye, eventually that we have to say

My heart may break into pieces

I probably won't meet someone like you again

No matter how many times I've tried

I still find myself wanting to see you again

Just one thing

If someday somehow

You meet someone better

Someone who really loves you

Don't forget me.................